In this episode you will learn how to use the word “NO” more effectively. Once you are able to say “no,” you will discover how your life is transformed into freedom! Our guest is the wonderful Melissa Lierman! Melissa says: “Yes is a dangerous word! Every single time you say YES to something, you are saying NO to something else!”
JUST SAY NO
Just saying NO resonates with both Melissa and Dr. Dave because they are on a mission to live an authentic path in life. Saying YES to things you really do not want to do is not being authentic. Listen to how both Melissa and Dr. Dave used to say YES when they didn’t want to at various times in their lives. (Note: I think they are both mostly cured now).
– What do you need to say no to in your life?
– Remember every time you say YES to something you are saying NO to something else!
– Which is more important?
– Are you saying YES to the PTA or overtime at work or a demanding family member at the SACRIFICE of yourself and your own family?
– Are you saying YES too much to your fully capable children and NO to much needed adult time with your spouse or friends/girlfriends?
– Are you feeling stressed out and over obligated and over committed? There are only so many hours in a day and it is YOUR CHOICE how to spend them!
– Are you spending time that is good and healthy for your life? Or are you doing things at the EXPENSE of your life and happiness to make someone else’s life better?
WHY SAY NO
“There are only so many hours in the day! These are finite. How do you choose to spend them?” says Melissa. Saying NO will change our life! Start today! “Decide your priorities and this will help you make decisions on what to say yes or no to.” Both Dr. Dave and Melissa make their families their top priority and this is the start of their decision making with their available time in their schedules. Saying NO will change your life.
—> Less stress
—> More productive life
—> Happier life
—> Living for YOU not for others
—> Less guilt
—> More time for you and your life
—> Allow you to achieve your personal goals
– Boundaries help us to continue to love others, even when we say no to them and hold limits when appropriate
– Boundaries are a ‘property line’. Their purpose is to help us know what we are responsible for and what we are not responsible for.
– We are responsible for our own feelings, actions, and behaviors. When we take responsibility for someone else, we keep them in an immature state.
– Boundaries help us gain control of our own lives and fulfill what we were created for – love.
– When we have the proper motivation we experience freedom and responsibility.
WAYS TO SAY NO!
#1 NEVER APOLOGIZE!!!
“I am unable to commit to this as I have other priorities at the moment.”
“Now’s not a good time as I’m in the middle of something. How about we reconnect at X time?”
“I’d love to do this, but …”
“Let me think about it first and I’ll get back to you.”
“This doesn’t meet my needs now but I’ll be sure to keep you in mind.”
“I’m not the best person to help on this. Why don’t you try X?”
Try saying “I don’t” vs. “I can’t” – don’t is a CHOICE… can’t is a restriction… psychological difference in perception
“I’ve really had fun in the past, but I can’t make it this year. That week is already packed for me.”
“Wow, that’s an interesting project. I’m really busy with the ABC assignment right now, so let me know if you want me to re-prioritize.” (for the boss giving you another project) Listen to Melissa walk you through a very specific strategy to handle the boss that keeps piling it on!
Say… I always… I always workout at 6am… I always have family dinner at 6pm
Say… I only… I only eat natural foods with ingredients I can pronounce
Notice over the next month how many times you say yes when you mean no. Keep track during the next month (or week) when this happens. What are the results?
Practice scenarios with yourself or loved one where you need to start saying no
Start saying no to small things in your life. Could it be doing your teenager’s laundry? Could it be someone calling last minute?
Pause and think of how this will affect YOU and YOUR LIFE. Even tell people that you will have to THINK ABOUT IT and get back to them.
WHAT CAN YOU DO RIGHT NOW?
Take a look at the landscape of your week and month and the rest of the year. What have you already said yes to that you know you do not want to do and you wish you did not say yes to? Can you get out of any of these with grace? Will your book club hate you if you don’t go to anymore book club gatherings where the book is never discussed and you did not read the book and do not know half of the group any longer? Other times you need to follow throw on a commitment you did make, but do not re-commit or sign up for more! Make a list and make an exit strategy!
CAUTIONARY AND CLOSING:
People in your life may be very shocked and even disturbed if you start saying no to them and YES to yourself. Be prepared for some immediate fall out from friends, so called friends, children, and even spouses. Have the courage to put YOU first and make YOUR life and health a priority. NO is one of the most powerful words… which is why toddlers are first obsessed with it when they learn of it and its power. How did we manage to forget this? It is your life. It is your choice. Don’t be guilted in to doing things by other people to make THEIR lives better! This is your life, your health, and your happiness! Live your life for YOU!
JUST SAY NO RESOURCES:
Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend,
http://www.cloudtownsend.com/. Their books: Boundaries, Boundaries with Kids, Boundaries for Leaders, Boundaries in Marriage
Harvard Business Review,
Real Simple Magazine,
GUEST INFORMATION: You can find Melissa Lierman all across the interweb tweeting, blogging, facebooking, photographing, and instagramming. She was over 200 pounds, size 2xlarge, and has lost loads of weight and baggage. She knows what it takes to take it off with determination, a good attitude, good nutrition, and lots of healthy active fitness.
She is Woman 42. Grateful. Kids 15.13.6. DigitalGeekGirl. College Professor. International Speaker. Runner. Marathoner. #MomsRunning Founder. Locavore. Gardener. Baker. Narrative Photographer. GlobeTrotter.
You can connect with her all over social media!
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